we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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