Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You took a bar mat shot.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
