I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We need a shit load of segways right now
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize