I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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