we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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