I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
