I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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