I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
