I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
