wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
