Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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