was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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