My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
