Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize