Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
