her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
