Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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