I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
