I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
