So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
