I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
