How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
