Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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