is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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