"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
