I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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