Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
