Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
