I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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