My boss' voice literally gives me gas
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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