I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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