my being single is dangerous.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
