Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
