doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
