Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
