He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
