since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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