"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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