so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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