woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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