It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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