Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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