i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
