I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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