who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
