When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's blow job season.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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