I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
