I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
