please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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