I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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