This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
