that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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