Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
