I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
