apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
