so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
