there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
