Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
