I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
