You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
