it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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