Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
