He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
