Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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