I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
