I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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