I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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